Getting Sticky With: Natalie Joy Viall

To be perceived in the Internet age is really hard. That feeling doubles, triples, quadruples when you’re a mom. What solids should your child be eating? Should you be posting them online? Is everyone having an easy pregnancy—or does it just look that way? Of course, it’s hard not to feel judged every step of the way. This is a subject that Natalie Joy Viall is intimately familiar with.

Natalie is the co-host of The Viall Files and Age of Attraction (which we binged in a nanosecond and are stoked for season two). Her co-host is, of course, her husband, Nick Viall, with whom she shares a daughter. The couple is now expecting twins.

Our convo with Natalie was open and honest. She spoke candidly about experiencing three miscarriages and feeling guilty when leaving her daughter at home to go film. We also got into what it feels like to be reduced to internet clips taken out of context, and how quickly something said from a place of admiration can be misunderstood. It’s part of having a public-facing job… but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

Below, Natalie on the importance of choosing the right partner—someone who will navigate the good, the bad, and of course, the sticky—as well as navigating an online persona alongside a private life. Also, having a husband who watches Bravo? It’s really fun.

Words by AnaMaria Glavan / Photos by Ruben Chamorro

“Who you marry is such an important decision.” 

I’ve always said that I was put on this earth to be a mom. And when I met Nick, I was like, “Oh, thank God. I’ve met a man who’s ready for that, too.” We both knew early on in our relationship that we wanted kids—and a lot of kids. And she was this absolute miracle baby that the universe handed to us on this silver platter. It was the easiest pregnancy, the easiest delivery. She’s been the easiest baby. 

I found out I was pregnant again when River was almost a year old. I started spotting with this pregnancy, which I had never experienced with River. I thought it was weird. My sister and my doctors told me it was normal and that it sometimes happened. But I just knew something was wrong. After that first miscarriage, there was just so much heartbreak. I’d never experienced grief like that before. And I had an almost one-year-old who didn’t understand anything—she just wanted me to be happy. I felt like I was always putting on for her, pretending everything was okay.

And Nick got this broken version of me. But it was also a moment where I was like, “Wow, I really married the right person.” It solidified everything for me. Who you marry is such an important decision. Through all of these miscarriages, I had a partner who wasn’t ever rushing me to get out of the grieving stage. He was never like, “There’s a light at the end of the tunnel,” or “Look at everything great we have.” He was just in it with me and let me feel it for as long as I needed.

We went through that together, and then very quickly after, I found out I was pregnant again. This one I believe was more of a chemical pregnancy. I did have to have a DNC for my second and third miscarriage, which is just a whole other invasion of privacy that I never thought I would have to experience.

I think it’s one thing to go through trying to conceive and constantly getting “no”s on your pregnancy tests. I can’t imagine that frustration of “why isn’t this working?” We had the complete opposite—it was so easy to conceive, but my body just couldn’t carry the babies past the first trimester.

Nick and I recorded an episode of our podcast—there was no one else in the room. It was a very healing, therapeutic two hours for us. Putting that out into the world started the healing process for me.

Three miscarriages, a million tests, and an eventual answer 

It got so frustrating. I had three miscarriages, I’m 26 years old, we have this healthy one-year-old, beautiful, easy pregnancy, and still no answers. So we started seeking help. We saw a fertility specialist, and she basically was like, “Cut out everything in your life. You are training for the Olympics.” We ran a million tests. Nick ran all these tests. Everything came back normal. And I was so frustrated because I just wanted answers. Finally, she was like, “We’re going to test for something we don’t test for anymore.” And sure enough, that’s what I have.

It’s this gene mutation, a blood mutation, where my body basically attacks when a fetus is there. After that, we took time off, worked with the specialist, and I started seeing a hematologist because it’s a blood disorder. As soon as I got a positive pregnancy test again—I found out at two weeks—I started taking blood thinner shots every day in my stomach, plus baby aspirin.

At five weeks, I went to an appointment by myself, hoping to just see a baby, hear a heartbeat… and it was twins. It felt like I just got back my first and my third miscarriage babies. Like, they were ready now. It’s their time. They weren’t ready before, but now they are.

Is there anyone out there who’s never experienced mom guilt? If so, what is your secret? We all want to know. 

I have a lot of mom guilt. I record our podcast twice a week, sometimes three if there’s a certain episode. And I have extreme guilt for leaving River. Even leaving her with Nick, or leaving her with my mom—people I fully trust—I still feel this sense of, “I shouldn’t be doing this.” So I’m very scared and very nervous for welcoming these twins in. I love working with my husband. This Netflix hosting opportunity has been a “what even is my life?” moment. But I’m terrified of what that looks like because I have this internal battle with having someone help me, even though I know that the only way you survive is with a village.

I haven’t figured out what that’s going to look like. Luckily my mom is retired and single, so I kidnap her a lot and have her stay with us. And my mom has always been very supportive. Any dreams that I had, she was going to back it up 100%. Even if we didn’t fully see it through, she fully saw it through. She let me move to New York City at 15 to pursue a modeling career all by myself. Let me drop out of high school and live in a model apartment in Harlem. She was like, “If you can’t pay your first month’s rent, I’ll pay it. If you can’t pay your second, you have to come home.” That instilled so much in me. I can’t even imagine letting River do that. But the fact that she had so much belief in me and who I was going to be… I hope I can carry even half of that into my daughters.

The occasional bed rot is self care, actually 

I have those moments where I’m like, “River’s napping, I need to do the laundry and clean the house,” and then I’m like—I’m actually just going to sit here for a while and look at my phone, watch TV, lay in bed and rot.

I wasn’t a big reality TV person before. I had watched some Housewives stuff, but I wasn’t really a fan. And now we watch absolutely everything. I never watched any of Nick’s seasons of anything, though, so I’m sure when River asks to see that someday, he’ll have to tackle that whole thing.

It’s honestly kind of fun having a husband who watches Bravo. He’s the type of person who actually knows the tea—he wants to gossip, talk about it, get into it. He has opinions, he has takes, and we go back and forth. So it’s fun to watch with him.

Pregnant with twins while mothering a two-year-old

It’s hard to make mom friends, especially in LA. My daughter’s not in school yet, so I think it’ll get better once she is. Right now it’s like—who’s at the park, or who do I know on social media that has a kid her age?

We just had her second birthday and it felt like I can’t really throw a birthday party because she doesn’t really have any friends yet. It would just be a bunch of adults. So we ended up taking a family trip instead, which was perfect.

It’s especially hard right now being pregnant with twins. It’s immediately high-risk, and with everything I’ve gone through, I’m really aware of the rules around no running, no lifting, no moving too fast.

And River is always asking me to dance or run. I had a breakdown last night with Nick and started crying because I feel like such a lame mom. She wants me to play and do all these things, and I have to keep saying no, and she doesn’t understand why. That’s definitely one of the hardest things right now. And having a two-year-old is hard baseline—the tantrums are a whole thing. You read so much and see so many videos about how to handle them, but it’s a lot harder when you’re actually in it. 

From surgical tech to being on TV 

It was very insane filming the show. I had never even been on a TV set before, so that alone was wild. And it’s crazy to see the show where it is now. Nick and I feel very protective over the cast. I think because it was the first season and none of us really knew what we were getting into. So when people have opinions, I’m like, “You don’t know them—let me explain who they actually are.”

I worked in surgery for years as a surgical tech, so I never thought I’d end up here. When I was pregnant with River, I was so sick in my first trimester that I had to step away from surgery because I literally couldn’t operate—I kept scrubbing out to throw up.

Nick was like, “Why don’t you come on this show?” And the first thing we did was interview Gypsy Rose right out of prison. I have no background in journalism. I didn’t go to journalism school. I don’t consider myself a journalist. We’re entertainers. We just have fun conversations with people. So the fact that that’s where I started and this is where I am now is just a really crazy whirlwind.

“It became harder once the outside world got involved” 

The age gap between Nick and I was definitely something people had opinions on. But by the time I was 21, I was ready to settle down and have kids. And in reality, I feel like I’ve lived a million lives already. A lot of people don’t know that side of me.

I never really had an issue with it—Nick was actually the one who struggled with it more. And I’m glad he did, because it showed me he was thinking about it seriously. He wanted to make sure we were equals, that there wasn’t a power imbalance, which can happen in age-gap relationships.

It became harder once the outside world got involved. I wasn’t used to people having opinions about me. But Nick had been in that world for a long time, so he really helped me navigate having that third party in your relationship.

It’s really tough dealing with online negativity. But now I’m at a place where we just don’t read it. I had to learn the hard way—reading everything, going on Reddit, consuming all of it—and realizing I didn’t feel good after. Now, when something comes up on my algorithm, I just scroll past it. It’s outside noise, and it’s not welcome in our home. Being able to block it out feels like a superpower because it’s really hard to do. 

Jesse James Decker once told me that reading negative things about yourself while you have people around you who love you—your kids, your husband—is selfish. That really stuck with me. It made me realize I’m sitting there reading horrible things about myself while my daughter, who thinks I’m the best person in the world, is right in front of me. That’s what matters. Not what someone online thinks they know about me.

On the decision to share (or not share) their kids online

We shared pictures of River up until her first birthday, maybe even a little after that. You’re proud of your kids and you want to share. Just like you share everything else, you’re like, “Why wouldn’t I show this too?” But it got to a point where there were a couple instances that felt scary. Having strangers be able to point out your kid in an airport or at a park because of what you’ve shared online—it’s just scary. And then thinking about everything happening with AI, which is way over my head, it just felt like too much. I didn’t want to allow access for strangers to put their opinions onto my daughter, who doesn’t even know she’s being posted online.

With the twins, we’ll probably do the same thing—share them up until maybe they’re one. I feel like that’s when they start looking like who they’re going to look like. Before that, they change so much. That’s kind of where Nick and I have landed. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, but it’s what feels okay for us right now.

On being called a mom-shamer

Tying into how you deal with online criticism – I had brought up what looks like to be a working mother of three on our podcast. It was especially hard because I had just found out I was pregnant with twins and no one knew. I already had so much anxiety, and then to have the internet jump on you and call you all these terrible things was really tough.

I was coming from a place of admiration and curiosity of how Whitney Leavitt and women manage it all. She has three kids and her career has flourished and it’s inspirational. I genuinely wanted to know how she does it. I needed advice. I was sitting there thinking, I’m about to have three kids under three. I love working. I love being a mom. How am I going to do this? 

The second I realized it was being taken the wrong way, I messaged her right away and was like, please listen to the full episode—that’s not what I meant at all. I apologized if it came across as shady in any way because that wasn’t my intention.

I didn’t hear anything back, but anytime someone feels like I’ve hurt them, my immediate reaction is to reach out and call, text, apologize, and make sure my intent is clear. That’s the last thing I ever want to do—is hurt anyone.

Already waiting to binge season two of Age of Attraction… 

What’s next for us: to survive having two more babies. Try to do it as best as we can. Keep our show running as best as we can, and think about season two of Age of Attraction. We’ve already talked about bringing all three kids with us to Canada if that happens again, and what that would look like, what help we’d need.

I definitely find myself in a place now where I’m realizing how fast River grew up. She’s only two, but it feels like it happened overnight. So I just want to do the things I love—host the show, be a mom—but stay in my bubble and not let too much in. That’s kind of where I am right now.

I’m also super protective over this pregnancy. I’m not sharing as much, not really letting a lot of people in. I just feel very protective of it. If I could unplug and live on a farm in the middle of nowhere and not have social media or know what’s going on in pop culture or the world, I would do it in a heartbeat. But that’s just not our lifestyle right now. Hopefully one day.

Being a girl mom to three girls is my dream. I’m like, give me the sister dynamic—that’s what I feel like I was meant to do. If we were lucky enough to have a boy one day, I can’t even imagine what that would be like. But three sisters—I had so much fun with my sisters. That bond is something you can’t replace. I just hope I can raise them in a way where they always feel like they can depend on each other and that they’ll always have each other.