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Pang will be the first to admit that being a Type-A perfectionist isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. On the one hand, she has an unshakable drive, a relentless work ethic, and the resume to show for it. Her career thus far reads like the sort of millennial success story Marnie Michaels would’ve thrown her best friend in front of a bus for: she led the creative at both Refinery29 and Nike and, over the past five years, has built two wildly successful sister agencies, MØRNING and EVENING, with clients ranging from LVMH to YSL and Margiela.",[],{"type":58,"text":248,"spans":249,"direction":61},"",[],{"type":58,"text":251,"spans":252,"direction":61},"And yet, there are some things in life that you can’t, as Lydia put it, “work into submission.” Today, Lydia runs her business from Wales, where she lives with her husband, Roo, and their 10-month-old daughter. But while living in the U.S., watching her business skyrocket and admittedly operating at maximum capacity, she was also quietly weathering three miscarriages in close succession. \n",[],{"type":58,"text":254,"spans":255,"direction":61},"If the maxim “you can’t fight fate” tells you what not to do, “eat bitter” offers an alternative. The Chinese idiom, which Lydia grew up constantly hearing, is grounded in the tenacious spirit of her Hakka ancestors, China’s “nomads, travellers, and pioneers,” Lydia writes, whose history and cuisine was shaped by five forced migrations. Traditionally, it means enduring hardship before tasting sweetness: facing life’s bitter truths, unpalatable realities, and unsavory—dare we say, sticky?—stuff rather than trying to outrun them. It’s something, Lydia writes, “an old salty Chinese auntie might say to you mid-eyeroll in response to your impatience or short-sightedness…served with a spitty tut and a scowl of disdain.” It’s also the name and beating heart of Lydia’s memoir, Eat Bitter, published four months ago.",[256,260,266],{"start":257,"end":258,"type":259},51,55,"em",{"start":261,"end":262,"type":263,"data":264},764,790,"hyperlink",{"link_type":63,"url":265,"target":66},"https://bookshop.org/p/books/eat-bitter-a-story-about-guts-and-food-lydia-pang/d2cb56f55ce29f80?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=dsa_nonbrand&utm_content=%7Badgroupname%7D&utm_term=dsa-19959388920&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=12440232635&gbraid=0AAAAACfld43g8favNQi2n64a8wEVZ_Ny3&gclid=Cj0KCQjw79nUBhCgARIsADSHka0cczXIrEpx27VRnr--6I2tSWdnVc5qQyGDVvqLSBqSjRA_DeOu9RkaAo2bEALw_wcB",{"start":267,"end":262,"type":259},780,{"type":58,"text":248,"spans":269,"direction":61},[],{"type":58,"text":271,"spans":272,"direction":61},"The book grew out of a passion-project zine Lydia started in 2020, documenting her life and Hakka culture through food. But to call it a cookbook would be missing the point. Yes, Lydia breaks down dishes that have nourished her throughout her life, but she also excavates the memories attached to them, using food to unpack her greatest challenges and greatest loves. In the process, she brings a tender intimacy to universal struggles, sheds light on a heritage rarely written about, and, perhaps most impressively, turns the scrutiny inward, transforming in ways she hadn’t exactly planned for. And let’s just say…she ate. ",[],{"type":58,"text":248,"spans":274,"direction":61},[],{"type":58,"text":276,"spans":277,"direction":61},"Here, Lydia opens up about shedding her ego, finding strength in softness, foraging (literally—they do that in Wales), and much more.",[],{"type":58,"text":248,"spans":279,"direction":61},[],{"type":58,"text":281,"spans":282,"direction":61},"Words by Rachel Hodin, Images by Ezekiel.",[283],{"start":26,"end":284,"type":259},41,"text$2b119bb6-687a-454d-8763-744fd1335f73","text",{"variation":288,"version":217,"items":289,"primary":290,"id":305,"slice_type":306,"slice_label":5},"twoColumn",[],{"image_left":291,"image_right":299},{"dimensions":292,"alt":5,"copyright":5,"url":295,"id":296,"edit":297},{"width":293,"height":294},960,1200,"https://images.prismic.io/spreadthejelly/GZHjqGJYYhROcSWt_5E8A0336.jpg?auto=format,compress&rect=0,552,4413,5516&w=960&h=1200","GZHjqGJYYhROcSWt",{"x":26,"y":298,"zoom":27,"background":28},552,{"dimensions":300,"alt":5,"copyright":5,"url":301,"id":302,"edit":303},{"width":293,"height":294},"https://images.prismic.io/spreadthejelly/4mDq6dhj43Bzuofq_5E8A0587.jpg?auto=format,compress&rect=0,560,4480,5600&w=960&h=1200","4mDq6dhj43Bzuofq",{"x":26,"y":304,"zoom":27,"background":28},560,"image$a742a829-2003-483d-bca5-63b5201d4dae","image",{"variation":308,"version":240,"items":309,"primary":310,"id":312,"slice_type":286,"slice_label":5},"pullQuote",[],{"max_quote_width":5,"pull_quote":311,"illustration_left":5,"illustration_left_position":5,"illustration_right":5,"illustration_right_position":5},"When I think about the beginning of trying to get the book published, I was such a different version of myself: I was super successful, very severe and decisive, and my proposal read that way—it was so buttoned.","text$a85dfc33-464e-47ca-8ec1-239cc5a85e8d",{"variation":216,"version":217,"items":314,"primary":315,"id":316,"slice_type":238,"slice_label":5},[],{"size":5},"spacer$cef4540b-9263-4784-93af-b138b62bce7f",{"variation":216,"version":240,"items":318,"primary":319,"id":384,"slice_type":286,"slice_label":5},[],{"copy":320},[321,327,330,342,344,349,355,358,361,366,369,378,381],{"type":116,"text":322,"spans":323,"direction":61},"The side hustle-to-book pipeline",[324],{"start":26,"end":325,"type":326},32,"strong",{"type":58,"text":328,"spans":329,"direction":61},"I've always worked in the creative industry, in branding at big brands and corporate ad agencies, and in media, so I've always been very good at world building. That was how I made my money. While working at Nike in Portland, I decided to do a zine for my family around food and our Hakka culture. I love a side hustle and it was very much that. On the weekends, I took photos, wrote the recipes, interviewed my dad, and wrote short stories from my childhood using food as a vessel to tell those stories. It was a fun little artifact to share with my family and to time our relationship. I think it was also an artifact around longing and missing home, which I was so far from at the time; I grew up in Wales.\n",[],{"type":58,"text":331,"spans":332,"direction":61},"The genesis of Eat Bitter and documenting my life through food—the zine—was so low stakes. I printed 1,000 copies and thought, Ok, they sold. Great. Onwards. And thought nothing else of it. But “eat bitter” as a concept is something I've always thought about. It's this idea of gaining resilience before having that inevitable quench or sweetness. And it’s a way of living that’s always been very much in my life, and that I've always tied to my identity. My best friend, who runs a literary agency, suggested I make it into a book. So as the years went by, I decided to pull it into a proposal and actually make it into a book book. ",[333,336,339],{"start":334,"end":335,"type":259},15,25,{"start":337,"end":338,"type":259},127,158,{"start":340,"end":341,"type":259},623,627,{"type":116,"text":248,"spans":343,"direction":61},[],{"type":116,"text":345,"spans":346,"direction":61},"“My body became a battleground”",[347],{"start":26,"end":348,"type":326},31,{"type":58,"text":350,"spans":351,"direction":61},"When I think about the beginning of trying to get the book published, I was such a different version of myself: I was super successful, very severe and decisive, and my proposal read that way—it was so buttoned. I was strong, a leader, and “eat bitter” very much has this punk attitude. It's like, Grin and bear it, be strong, be resilient, and then maybe you’ll earn some sweetness. \n",[352],{"start":353,"end":354,"type":259},298,383,{"type":58,"text":356,"spans":357,"direction":61},"But my life was messy at the time too. As I was iterating on the proposal, I was also starting my business and growing it, and trying to get pregnant and losing babies, which pretty much happened every year for three or four years. I experienced such a tough time with my fertility and endured such physical horrors, my body became a battleground. And this experience shifted the focus of what the idiom “eat bitter” meant to me. It gave it a more modern, probably nuanced meaning: suddenly it felt like it was less about battling through, which felt outdated and to be honest a little bit confrontational, and more about surrendering, softness, and acceptance. By the time I actually got to write the final proposal, which got me this book deal, I was such a different person. And the book was different too: It ended up becoming a lot more tender and soft. I think it's better for that.",[],{"type":58,"text":359,"spans":360,"direction":61}," ",[],{"type":116,"text":362,"spans":363,"direction":61},"The ultimate ego check? Motherhood ",[364],{"start":26,"end":365,"type":326},35,{"type":58,"text":367,"spans":368,"direction":61},"My identity in my early thirties was constructed around being opinionated and decisive, and I kind of leaned on aesthetics and my personal style to land in the room or on the panel. I very much wanted to build equity in looking a certain way. It was also the era of the self-brand, and having a certain look and persona attached to that, which I very much leaned into. \n",[],{"type":58,"text":370,"spans":371,"direction":61},"As I initially tried to become a mum, I sort of disguised that it wasn't working. I remember the first time I miscarried I thought: Ok, it wasn't meant to be. I brushed over my sadness and performed strength for other people. I worked a lot to cope, but I wasn’t coping. I looked like I was because my business was doing really well, but actually I was being a workaholic. The cycle of that is something I know really well—it’s so cozy and so toxic. I'm unhappy so I'll work loads. It was such an easy thing for me to slip into. Eventually though, the body and the soul start to disagree and you can feel it happening. I would feel ill and burnt out. \n",[372,375],{"start":373,"end":374,"type":259},132,157,{"start":376,"end":377,"type":259},450,481,{"type":58,"text":379,"spans":380,"direction":61},"Denial is sugary in the beginning—you can kind of push it away and you don't care. But the body and the spirit hold that score, and that sadness will come for you. So it's better to sit in it. This is horrible, hard advice, but for anyone else going through pregnancy loss, I’d say sit in the bitter feelings. Be deeply sad if that’s how you feel because in the end, you’ll have more control of your destiny. The more you push them away, the harder they’ll come for you. I wish I had processed those losses as they were happening. Instead, I pushed and pushed them away until it came for me and that was way harder.  \n",[],{"type":58,"text":382,"spans":383,"direction":61},"I suppose the journey of trying to become a mum—especially one where you’re basically pregnant and postpartum for years—will soften and humble you. As you try to become a mum, you start to think of what type of mum you want to be. What kind of person you want to be. And as I endured miscarrying multiple more times, I felt this sudden shedding of this persona or ego. I just suddenly felt like I was fake: I felt like a clown putting on all that makeup when underneath I was actually really struggling to show up to work and be a decisive leader. Performing strength for other people started to feel really tiring and a disservice to the experience. I was always trying to replicate and please other people or perform a certain version that I thought they would like. ",[],"text$07ea1261-6acf-4a23-8a9c-fb18f20d3d88",{"variation":216,"version":217,"items":386,"primary":387,"id":394,"slice_type":306,"slice_label":5},[],{"image":388,"include_mask":393},{"dimensions":389,"alt":5,"copyright":5,"url":390,"id":391,"edit":392},{"width":209,"height":210},"https://images.prismic.io/spreadthejelly/kGSIyvBgPKWO809A_5E8A0679.jpg?auto=format,compress","kGSIyvBgPKWO809A",{"x":26,"y":26,"zoom":27,"background":28},true,"image$2ad8807e-6f95-43fb-8520-69344699d570",{"variation":216,"version":240,"items":396,"primary":397,"id":459,"slice_type":286,"slice_label":5},[],{"copy":398},[399,403,406,409,411,414,417,420,425,428,430,433,439,441,446,449,453],{"type":116,"text":400,"spans":401,"direction":61},"Sometimes the best medicine is embracing vulnerability ",[402],{"start":26,"end":258,"type":326},{"type":58,"text":404,"spans":405,"direction":61},"I moved back to Wales and I allowed my family to really look after me. I have a very close family. And they’re also literally close, about 30-40 minutes away. I wanted to be held by them, and so I let that happen and it was really beautiful. It felt quite nice to be vulnerable and let my husband and parents look after me, which isn't something I typically love very much. It was nice to accept receiving help and acknowledge that I wasn't coping. \n",[],{"type":58,"text":407,"spans":408,"direction":61},"And I experienced a lot of nature: I live in the middle of the forest and my husband used to force me to go for walks to clear my head, which I used to resent so much. But in hindsight, it was a really important part of my recovery because we would garden together or we would walk together and—God, I used to hate it. It felt like such a waste of time. But actually, it was very healing and important for me to be pushed away from my desk so I could basically confront the fact that I was not well. ",[],{"type":58,"text":359,"spans":410,"direction":61},[],{"type":58,"text":412,"spans":413,"direction":61},"I think cooking is the same thing, right? The book is about this methodical, meditative act of cooking, which is not at all about eating. It's actually entirely about the process of enduring a long recipe and sitting with yourself. Spending some time with yourself, essentially, through the process of cooking.\n",[],{"type":58,"text":415,"spans":416,"direction":61},"As I've grown up and, I suppose, become a little more confident in my work and speaking for myself versus letting my style or how I look speak for me, I've settled into feeling a little bit more soft. The hardest part of motherhood has been not trying to drag my old self into this new self, but instead letting her die, letting that be what it is, and softening and embracing the humility necessary to rebuild your new identity as a mum. \n",[],{"type":58,"text":418,"spans":419,"direction":61},"It's funny how the idea of appearing soft makes me nervous that people will take me less seriously, especially in business. I run multiple big businesses now and I feel like I definitely paint the armor back on when I've got certain meetings, which is interesting. But whereas before I couldn’t go out of the house or go to a meeting unless I had the tailoring on and the black lipstick—it was like a hat that I could put on and accessorize, dial it up or down—now it feels less like a crutch. \n",[],{"type":116,"text":421,"spans":422,"direction":61},"Everything about a miscarriage is horrific—even when it’s over",[423],{"start":26,"end":424,"type":326},62,{"type":58,"text":426,"spans":427,"direction":61},"The miscarriages were obviously horrific. It felt like this perpetual state of gain and loss, gain and loss. And it's so hard because you can't really tell anyone, it's a weird, liminal loss. People don't really talk to you about it; it makes them feel uncomfortable.",[],{"type":58,"text":248,"spans":429,"direction":61},[],{"type":58,"text":431,"spans":432,"direction":61},"I'm such a perfectionist—I'm so willing to work hard at stuff—so I really struggled with the idea that I couldn't get an A at this, that I couldn't work the result into submission. I’d taken all the supplements, I was exercising, I was going to the right doctors. I was miscarrying for three years, one year after the other, and I was almost affronted that it was happening to me. \n",[],{"type":58,"text":434,"spans":435,"direction":61},"When I eventually did get pregnant, it wasn't that beautiful Hollywood story. It wasn’t, I let go and relaxed, and it all clicked into place. I worked hard to get pregnant and to stay pregnant. I have a blood disorder, which they eventually found out was the problem, so I had to inject myself in the stomach every day for a year and a half just to keep the pregnancy and to carry to term, and then I had to recover after. I worked hard to have my daughter, so I don't feel like there was a spiritual, sweet, or poetic ending. It feels very much like I made sure I became a mum: I took it into my own hands.",[436],{"start":437,"end":438,"type":259},88,141,{"type":58,"text":359,"spans":440,"direction":61},[],{"type":116,"text":442,"spans":443,"direction":61},"When the specter of fear is too damn high ",[444],{"start":26,"end":445,"type":326},42,{"type":58,"text":447,"spans":448,"direction":61},"At least for the first half of the pregnancy, the specter of fear was too high for me to really enjoy it. It was really hard having something that I knew I could lose. I told no one; we didn’t celebrate. Nothing bought. I didn't do any of those things. It was only once I started feeling her moving inside me every day and this feedback loop between us, that I started to acknowledge it and felt like I had permission to be excited. I’d always miscarried around the 20-week-mark, so once I got past that, it shifted in my mind because that was a literal sign, evidence that I had crossed the threshold into a different part of the pregnancy and that the injections were working.\n",[],{"type":116,"text":450,"spans":451,"direction":61},"Because why would the birth ever go according to plan? ",[452],{"start":26,"end":258,"type":326},{"type":58,"text":454,"spans":455,"direction":61},"The birth was not what I expected. I did all the hypnobirthing stuff. I had all of the plans; as you can probably tell by now, I'm a planner. But it did not go according to plan. Three a.m. my water broke, I wasn't dilated enough, had to be induced, got an epidural, then got rolled in for a C-section. It was a real Lord of The Rings tale, but I don't know, nature is clever and cunning. I kind of don't remember it, just the finality, that she had arrived and it was successful, and then all the focus goes to the baby and you're just this thing left behind. I feel quite disconnected from the experience. My blood disorder caused so many complications, so I didn't get to have a say in a lot of it. I was very much in the hands of my medicine. It wasn't that transformative, magical, natural birth that I perhaps thought might happen for me.",[456],{"start":457,"end":458,"type":259},317,334,"text$207c8832-e934-4b5f-a603-a1ed05e624e8",{"variation":461,"version":217,"items":462,"primary":463,"id":484,"slice_type":306,"slice_label":5},"threeColumn",[],{"images":464},[465,472,478],{"image":466},{"dimensions":467,"alt":5,"copyright":5,"url":468,"id":469,"edit":470},{"width":293,"height":294},"https://images.prismic.io/spreadthejelly/0RyH0pGAo_gmNCqf_5E8A0776.jpg?auto=format,compress&rect=0,558,4466,5583&w=960&h=1200","0RyH0pGAo_gmNCqf",{"x":26,"y":471,"zoom":27,"background":28},558,{"image":473},{"dimensions":474,"alt":5,"copyright":5,"url":475,"id":476,"edit":477},{"width":293,"height":294},"https://images.prismic.io/spreadthejelly/ZdeB2dvULGYYXrJM_5E8A0272.jpg?auto=format,compress&rect=0,560,4480,5600&w=960&h=1200","ZdeB2dvULGYYXrJM",{"x":26,"y":304,"zoom":27,"background":28},{"image":479},{"dimensions":480,"alt":5,"copyright":5,"url":481,"id":482,"edit":483},{"width":293,"height":294},"https://images.prismic.io/spreadthejelly/eeE_4c_EBZw0gBg8_5E8A0798.jpg?auto=format,compress&rect=0,560,4480,5600&w=960&h=1200","eeE_4c_EBZw0gBg8",{"x":26,"y":304,"zoom":27,"background":28},"image$0feda71d-e1e0-4cb3-93a5-b2879655043a",{"variation":308,"version":240,"items":486,"primary":487,"id":489,"slice_type":286,"slice_label":5},[],{"max_quote_width":5,"pull_quote":488,"illustration_left":5,"illustration_left_position":5,"illustration_right":5,"illustration_right_position":5},"It felt like this perpetual state of gain and loss, gain and loss. And it's so hard because you can't really tell anyone, it's a weird, liminal loss. People don't really talk to you about it; it makes them feel uncomfortable.","text$3ac6ca34-fccf-4bd5-91a5-7dbd720b70b1",{"variation":216,"version":217,"items":491,"primary":492,"id":493,"slice_type":238,"slice_label":5},[],{"size":236},"spacer$7f761270-a9e5-4ea4-9bb7-4dd1db8ae7ab",{"variation":216,"version":240,"items":495,"primary":496,"id":553,"slice_type":286,"slice_label":5},[],{"copy":497},[498,503,506,508,511,516,519,521,524,526,529,531,534,539,542,545,547,550],{"type":116,"text":499,"spans":500,"direction":61},"The beauty of stillness and surrendering during postpartum ",[501],{"start":26,"end":502,"type":326},59,{"type":58,"text":504,"spans":505,"direction":61},"Postpartum has been amazing. I felt so nourished and supported by my family. From my dad bringing me Chinese postpartum bone broth to my mom showing up and doing literally everything, I feel very held by them. Obviously recovery is hard, but it's kind of all I’ve had to do, so I’ve just really sat inside that. I'm like, you're exactly who you're supposed to be right now: you're a mum, and you're still recovering. I really surrendered and settled into postpartum and I’ve been very forgiving on myself: I haven't been strict about what I eat or thinking about my clothes or how I'm perceived. I didn't try to run. I didn’t try to work out or host people. I was just with my daughter for months and months and it was so still and lovely. I think it's the first time in my life I've been that still and so inside an experience. It's been really transformative and beautiful. ",[],{"type":58,"text":359,"spans":507,"direction":61},[],{"type":58,"text":509,"spans":510,"direction":61},"And that primal connection I have with my daughter—I’ve never known a love like it, which is so beautiful. What a gift. Getting to experience that feeling of loving someone that much and having that connection with them feels amazing. It’s a new pocket of love I didn't know existed. I’m very grateful I've had this experience, but I also feel like a little part of me is gone that I miss and I need to grapple with that. \n",[],{"type":116,"text":512,"spans":513,"direction":61},"Recovery is a verb (and never really ends) ",[514],{"start":26,"end":515,"type":326},43,{"type":58,"text":517,"spans":518,"direction":61},"This is where I’m at: I get up, have a cup of tea brought to me in bed, and just cuddle and play. I love it when we're all in bed together—me, my dog, my daughter, and my husband—and she’s just playing while my husband and I are chatting and having our morning tea and coffee. I love lounging around, feeling like there’s no time. ",[],{"type":58,"text":248,"spans":520,"direction":61},[],{"type":58,"text":522,"spans":523,"direction":61},"I love walking in the forest near us. I got a big fat baby backpack, which I've been wearing. All of us go foraging in the forest. We like to forage something like mushrooms, and then maybe cook it and sit in the garden. We’ve got loads of raspberries right now, so we love picking the raspberries outside and making a yummy dinner. ",[],{"type":58,"text":248,"spans":525,"direction":61},[],{"type":58,"text":527,"spans":528,"direction":61},"On the flip side, when we’re in London, I love it when we all get dressed up as a family and go out. We really like to see friends and go to museums and just soak up culture.",[],{"type":58,"text":359,"spans":530,"direction":61},[],{"type":58,"text":532,"spans":533,"direction":61},"It's funny because both of these perfect days have elements of solitude, where we’re all together and wandering alone—through various forests or cities. But I love a day with no time where you can just flop from thing to thing.\n",[],{"type":116,"text":535,"spans":536,"direction":61},"Whatever Lydia is having > mom brain  ",[537],{"start":26,"end":538,"type":326},38,{"type":58,"text":540,"spans":541,"direction":61},"When I was pregnant, I don’t feel like my creativity ever went away. If anything, it got more potent because I had to write the book. I got my book deal and I got pregnant during the same couple of weeks and then I had to hand in my book a few days before my daughter was born. So writing the book and growing a baby happened completely concurrently, which is a crazy experience. But writing the book was also a really good distraction from my nervousness around the pregnancy not being successful.  I kind of poured everything into it, which was really good. \n",[],{"type":58,"text":543,"spans":544,"direction":61},"Writing a book is similar to having a baby in anticipation: it takes a long time and it takes pieces of you. It’s demanding. And then there's this birth moment where everyone perceives it and has opinions and wants to be part of it. The fact that they trace each other is, I actually think, really poetic. I've always been such a creative force so it feels really nice to have had that creative experience alongside something tender and personal.",[],{"type":58,"text":248,"spans":546,"direction":61},[],{"type":58,"text":548,"spans":549,"direction":61},"Since giving birth, I've actually been feeling really connected to my creativity. Before, as a cofounder and business owner, I was like the matriarch and the mummy to everyone. If anyone wanted time or a piece of me or my ideas or creativity, I was there. I probably gave a bit too much of myself to my work and creativity then. \n",[],{"type":58,"text":551,"spans":552,"direction":61},"I suppose I feel more creative now because I'm more discerning. I feel very intentional now about where I'm putting my time and where I'm not, and I’m really quick at saying no and yes. I'm much more protective and my daughter gets all of that playful abundance and energy from me.  ",[],"text$7bb20589-5b6f-4ca3-bb02-0781311accab",{"variation":288,"version":217,"items":555,"primary":556,"id":567,"slice_type":306,"slice_label":5},[],{"image_left":557,"image_right":562},{"dimensions":558,"alt":5,"copyright":5,"url":559,"id":560,"edit":561},{"width":293,"height":294},"https://images.prismic.io/spreadthejelly/Tpb4KzWl7f07wr5K_5E8A0582.jpg?auto=format,compress&rect=0,552,4419,5524&w=960&h=1200","Tpb4KzWl7f07wr5K",{"x":26,"y":298,"zoom":27,"background":28},{"dimensions":563,"alt":5,"copyright":5,"url":564,"id":565,"edit":566},{"width":293,"height":294},"https://images.prismic.io/spreadthejelly/_cj9HCClRR8etcgv_5E8A0781.jpg?auto=format,compress&rect=0,560,4480,5600&w=960&h=1200","_cj9HCClRR8etcgv",{"x":26,"y":304,"zoom":27,"background":28},"image$80b3666e-f846-48af-95c4-d94eb4674aaf",{"variation":216,"version":240,"items":569,"primary":570,"id":624,"slice_type":286,"slice_label":5},[],{"copy":571},[572,577,580,585,588,590,593,595,601,604,607,612,621],{"type":116,"text":573,"spans":574,"direction":61},"Currently channeling: that pure, joyful curiosity unique to babies",[575],{"start":26,"end":576,"type":326},66,{"type":58,"text":578,"spans":579,"direction":61},"You think about what you don't want for your kid and what you do want for them. My husband is an ADHD, chaotic person to counter my very organized, type-A Virgo. I see so much of his wildness in her and I think I envy that unbridled, unapologizing outlook. Kids are just allowed to be like that, they’re allowed to follow their curiosities and make mistakes and scream and I think because I’m quite measured, when I see her joyful curiosity, I'm like, oh I want to bring that into my life and into her life—into our days. I was so militant about my day structure and now I feel like I'm much more divergent, autonomous, and a bit more spontaneous because I don't want to miss stuff. but I also don't want her to see me as And him as play. So I'm greedy and jealous to have it on some of that energy.\n",[],{"type":116,"text":581,"spans":582,"direction":61},"“I was raised to be brave, to lead, and I’d like her to have that experience”",[583],{"start":26,"end":584,"type":326},77,{"type":58,"text":586,"spans":587,"direction":61},"My parents were quite playful and adventurous, so I’d like to incorporate that into my daughter’s childhood. I’d like her to feel brave. I was raised to be brave, to lead, and I’d like her to have that experience. My parents gave me a lot of responsibility, but they also gave me a lot of autonomy. They’re very creative, too; they’re world builders: everything from making pasta to decorating a room to creating an outfit. It felt like creativity was just part of the day, it was just who I was as a kid. I definitely want her to feel like creativity and individuality are highly valued.",[],{"type":58,"text":359,"spans":589,"direction":61},[],{"type":58,"text":591,"spans":592,"direction":61},"I’m really grateful that my parents just wanted me to be deeply myself, really unique, and,  a misfit. Because they pushed that alternative, punk attitude from the start, I always had quite a distinct outlook on the world and was never really bothered about fitting in. And what a gift that is to have, to not worry about fitting in. I definitely want my daughter to have that spirit in her, that kind of anarchy.",[],{"type":58,"text":359,"spans":594,"direction":61},[],{"type":116,"text":596,"spans":597,"direction":61},"Eat Bitter was born out of bravery ",[598,600],{"start":26,"end":599,"type":259},11,{"start":26,"end":365,"type":326},{"type":58,"text":602,"spans":603,"direction":61},"It was really strange because, for three days, I was reading my book out loud for the audiobook, so I was kind of revisiting my experience as I was full of hormones experiencing postpartum. It’s been very strange and confronting, but I’m actually super proud of that version of myself and the book. I wrote it with immediacy and bravery and, because of that, the writing isn't labored. I didn’t have time for that; I went into labor immediately after handing it in. Which is something I quite like about it. \n",[],{"type":58,"text":605,"spans":606,"direction":61},"I never really thought about what people would say about it, critically, and to be honest I've protected myself from a lot of that. I very much measure its success based on how I feel about it versus what other people feel about it, which may or may not be the right way, but I feel really good about it. I just hope that people think it’s interesting and are moved to read it. \n",[],{"type":116,"text":608,"spans":609,"direction":61},"The writers that inspire her most ",[610],{"start":26,"end":611,"type":326},34,{"type":58,"text":613,"spans":614,"direction":61},"I love people that are really good at building textured, smelly worlds—that feeling where you read a book and you can smell it or you go to a supper club and you know what the music's gonna be like. The people that inspired me are really good at that, like Michelle Zauner, the lead singer of Japanese Breakfast, her book Crying in H Mart is a great one. Han Kang is also really good at that, she wrote The Vegetarian, which is kind of horrific but also tender. I really like those contrasts and people who play with tensions in that way. \n",[615,618],{"start":616,"end":617,"type":259},322,339,{"start":619,"end":620,"type":259},403,417,{"type":58,"text":622,"spans":623,"direction":61},"I’m drawn to anyone with a Gothic sensibility too. We all crave that type of creativity that is unapologetically ugly. I love thinking about misfits with that kind of dark, Gothic attitude, people like Alexander McQueen or Rei Kawakubo, these creative giants that are really good at making bitterness and darkness feel addicting and like something that people want to be part of. 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